Mo money, mo problems
This neighborhood sure has its charm. Example, from just a few moments ago.
Dude walking outside my house: Excuse me, mumblemumblemumble.
Me: What?
Dude: Do you have food stamps?
Me: Oh, no, sorry.
Dude: Oh ok. Mumblemumblemumble.
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Dude: How are you?
Me: Oh, uh, fine thanks. [Smile, try to walk to my front door.]
Dude: Do you have a mumble?
Me: Do I have a what?
Dude: Do you have a husband?
Me: No, I don’t. [Try harder to end conversation by moving towards door... He moves that way too.]
Dude: Well can I have your phone number?
Me: No, I’m a lesbian. But thanks.
Dude: But still, to be friends and stuff.
Me: Oh, I have plenty of friends. Thank you though.
Dude: What’s your name?
Me: [Try to think of a fake name on the spot, end up just telling him my real one, take comfort in the fact that at least it's not my legal name.]
Dude: My name is [Joe Schmoe].
Me: Nice to meet you. [Handshake.]
Dude: You’re nice.
Me: Thanks… so are you. [Finally escape.]
Sigh.
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